Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
