i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I miss vodka workout Fridays
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
