I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
