Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
