You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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