My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
