I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
