How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize