my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
