i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
