please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
