that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
