no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
