THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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