If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
