That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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