Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
