Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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