They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
