quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
