You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
