TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bring me that man meat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
