Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
