Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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