Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
