1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
false alarm, still single
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
