what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He passed out mid-signature
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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