just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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