idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
