he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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