Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
