after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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