Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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