It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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