Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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