Pappa wants mamma naked
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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