My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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