yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
