I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
