The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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