Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You need a sexual gate keeper
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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