They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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