Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
