Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize