If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
