She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
