turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
