Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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