hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
