since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
