He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
