His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
