I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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