Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
