tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
