I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
