I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
