can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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