Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
