I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
