My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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