I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
