U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
