so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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