Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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