We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I still have a little drunk in my system
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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