My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
