The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
