Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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