she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Text me some of your sweat
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