What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
