Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
