I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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