I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
