her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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