I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
