it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
