Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
