i don't like sucking hair
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize