there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
