i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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