a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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