Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
