SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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