Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
