I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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